It's Friday, Noticeiro Telemundo have been live in Denver for a week. They thank me with an invitation to a Hispanic concert.
You may or may not be aware of this but I'll try anything twice, even if it's dangerously hazardous to my health. It's how I grow. The opportunity to go out with very new friends in a new location to experience an entirely new culture is the thing of dreams.
So I'm told to meet them at the venue down town between nine and nine thirty and that I'm going to learn how to celebrate Latino style. A bold statement thinks I.
Lesson one: Between nine and nine thirty means ten fifteen on the dot for Latinos, and the stroke of midnight for Latinas.
I get there at a modest nine fifteen and spend the next hour of my time in the venue learning a couple of three or four things:
1: I will be the tallest guy there who is not working.
2: I will be the only white guy there who is not working.
3: I am the only human being there who doesn't speak Spanish or Portuguese.
I order myself a three dollar bottle of 50 cent water and go to the VIP section I am supposed to meet my good friends. I stick out like a sore thumb on a fresh water fish. Did I mention I was wearing a white t-shirt in black light? I stuck out like a sore thumb on a fresh water fish and I glowed as well.
I'm on the balcony over looking the stage, because that's where VIPs go, and I drink my water whilst surveying the scene. This is where I found out why Hispanic women have great legs and even better bottoms. The band isn't starting for an hour and the floor is a sea of dark dark eyes, badly designed short, tight dresses, high heels and long black hair. It's a pretty good vision for a straight human male to behold. There is something for everyone as long as you like everything listed above. Some of the girls are short, some tall, some skinny as rakes, others big and almost all of them are beautiful. Arses are swaying, arms are raised and legs are moving around close to the speed of sound.
The guy next to me who was doing his best to meld with one such specimen and I looked at him, he looked right back and we just nodded. No language is needed between men in a venue such as this.
So for an hour or so whilst I waited for my friends to meet me at nine thirty at ten fifteen I watched bottoms, scored them all on my usual scale. It was an above average group I admit. My time was not wasted and I decided that when Bef gets tired of me and kills me dead I'll get myself hopelessly involved with a Latina woman... and invite Bef.
Lesson Two: Bef and I are determined to break up, have break up sex, break up kids, live in break up sin and see what else we can break up. It's a good arrangement.
CR and MH arrive right on time at ten fifteen just as the first act is coming on. We get beers have fun, make jokes and I learn that beso means kiss. CR brings his wife and niece and they are awesome. I instantly fall in love with them as a family and want to put them in a cupboard. There are an awesome collective. MH brings himself and as it turns out that's all he needs. They tell me that their boss, AC and the lovely MR will not be making it tonight. It's cool.
Lesson Three: MH is a quiet and mild mannered man at work. MH at a concert (and later as we will find out, a club) is a party ANIMAL. I do not say that lightly.
MH proceeds to point out the very best bottoms and rumps on show, whilst being careful to point out the fact the opening act is miming. Also her back up dancers look like random skinny guys found on the street just before the show. They have no timing (I have personal experience of this and so consider myself a connoisseur on terrible dancing) no looks but they do have incredibly inane grins and they do seem to enjoy her blatantly displayed camel toe. I see her switch he mic on when the show finishes so she can talk to the crowd but I think the crowd played along well for the most part.
She sings three songs, the back up dancers dance (?), and they leave. I am happy. Aside from the tight outfit and camel toe I think I'm better off for not knowing Spanish, though I politely ask MH what she was singing about and he replies with a shrug and says "Who cares!" as he points out a nicely presented set of norks I missed for all the arses.
More to come....
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